Our Five Ring Circus: Caught in a Whirlwind

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Caught in a Whirlwind

I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I feel as if my life has been a whirlwind the past few weeks. It's only slowing down a bit to let me breathe, and it will be picking up again soon.

On a positive note, I'm loving our new furniture! Our next purchase is going to be tables, because our coffee table just isn't cutting it anymore! I can't wait to paint, redecorate, and build shelves!

I bought my new camera almost two weeks ago, and I haven't even picked up the owner's manual. I haven't even shot in manual yet. I haven't even had time to try it with my 50 mm prime lens!

I have a dozens of projects planned, some of them major: as in finishing the living room, completely overhauling the bathroom, painting outside, and fixing up the basement. I just wish I could snap my fingers and have the projects done!

As of tomorrow, I have a month to find a new home for my horse. After 2 weeks of searching, I've had no luck yet. I'm worried that my horse is going to end up homeless! I honestly don't know what to do.

I have to make a very difficult phone call tomorrow. We may have to get our cat put to sleep if she is sick with what we think she has (feline leukemia).

I have to make Lexie's 3 year appointment, and make an appointment for her to go to hematology again at the Childrens Hospital. I've been putting it off, but I know she has to get her blood work done. I just fear that there will turn out to be something more going on than just her neutrophils being low from the diarrhea that she had most of last year. I hate to hear about all her nutritional deficiencies, and know that we haven't made much progress with her eating issues.

On Friday, I woke up with a massive migraine. The roads were completely covered in snow, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to drive Dylan to school. I was thrilled when the district upgraded from a 2 hour delay to a closing. I was feeling so guilty about not being able to get him to school due to my migraine, so it was such a relief to have a snow day!

That was one of the worst migraines I've had in a long time. I've felt crappy ever since it eased. I've been nauseous, shaky, and I've had a lingering headache all weekend. I think it's time to talk to my doctor!

On Friday afternoon, the kids and I went to visit my parents and have dinner with them. They ended up getting into a massive fight in front of us. I love my mom to pieces, but she can be so irrational at times. I only recall them fighting like this once when I was growing up, but they've been going at it more and more. It's amazing how much it affects me, even as an adult. They tried to drag me into it, but I said I was having no part of it.

My mom ended up locking herself in her room, and put her headphones on, leaving my dad and I in silence, and my kids in tears. I couldn't leave, because the roads were crappy, and all of our stuff, including our shoes, were locked in her room with her. She finally stomped out of her room and kicked us out of the house.

I ended up in tears the rest of the evening. I was feeling so hurt and emotional after witnessing that. It's so hard to watch them hurt each other. I do everything I can to keep the peace in the family, so it hurts me when my loved ones are fighting, even if I can't do anything about it.

When I finally got home, I locked myself in my room, and just shed the tears. My crying was starting to upset the kids, so I had to do it away from them. After I calmed down, I began cleaning the house in a frenzy, in an effort to keep my mind off of things.

That night, I took my kids to bed with me. I needed the comfort of a sleepover with those I loved most. Right before I turned out the light, Dylan leaned over me and began praying, and Lexie joined in. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life. I vowed to focus on them this weekend!

We enjoyed a lazy Saturday at home. I needed it to recover from the busy weeks I've had, the lingering migraine, and the stress of Friday.

I savored every moment with my kids. Every time Lexie wanted to climb into my lap for a snuggle, I made room for her. When Dylan asked me to lay with him as he fell asleep last night, I did, instead of telling him that he's a big boy and can do it alone. Someday, my lap won't be big enough to hold Lexie, and Dylan will stop asking for me to snuggle with him. That someday will happen sooner than I imagine, so I will enjoy every sweet moment with my babies.

I engaged in some "retail therapy" today. Lexie got a duplicate dress and sweater for her birthday, so I had to return them. The store was having a sale, and I had a coupon, so I bought every adorable dress that I saw for Lexie. I threw in a pair of shorts and a shirt to be practical. And a clearance shirt for Dylan. I ended up paying $50 for 7 dresses, the shorts/shirt, and shirt for Dylan...thanks to the return credit and the coupon! Lexie is just about set for summer!

This afternoon, we had lunch with Grant's parents and Nannie. Apparently, the kids were bothered by the situation of Friday more than they let on, because Lexie informed Grant's mom that, "Mommy was sad and crying because Papa and Nina were fighting. But she's okay now."

I wish that hadn't happened. My heart aches for my mom and dad. I'm trying not to think about it.

I'm going to take it one day at a time. I will get my migraines under control. We will get Lexie's health under control. I will find a home for my horse. My projects will get done. I will get to "play" with my camera. It may not happen as quickly as I hope, but it will happen.


  1. Wow. That's a lot on your shoulders right now. I'm keeping Lexie in my thoughts & prayers. I hope everything calms down for you over there so you can breathe a bit more!

  2. It sounds like you had a really rough week! We had a pretty crazy one too...and I am hoping for a nice boring week starting today! I hope your week is better too!

  3. You certainly do have a lot going on right now.

    I'll keep you all in my thoughts. Just remember, one day at a time. ((HUGS))

  4. Wow, you do have alot going on. I hope things slack up for you & things calm down. I hope you have a better week.

  5. You are busy and have a lot going on. I am sorry you and your kids had to witness that, I can only imagine how hard that was as I come from a divorced family. I will be thinkng about you this week. Hope you can get to the dr and get your headaches figured out, I suffer from migraines and it is a nightmare!

  6. Sounds like someone's stress circuits overloaded and caused a migraine. Focusing on the good stuff is exactly what you needed. The other stuff - well, nothing is by coincidence so those things will all fall into whatever place they should be. Hugs & lots of positive thoughts to you and yours!

  7. I'm really sorry that you didn't have a lot on your plate right now. Matt is calling his mom for you to get the name and number of the place where her horse is and maybe that may work out for you. It's close to Zelienople. There's a place in North Park, but his mom said you don't want to take her there because they never let their horses out. I will get you that info asap. If there is anything else I can do please let me know. <3

  8. That number is 724-452-7648 and his name is Dale Steinbach. Matt's mom said to let him know that Kathy Daily referred you to him and hopefully he can help you.

  9. sorry you are having so much to deal with...life gets nuts at times
    hoping things get better for you soon! :)

  10. Sorry you have so much going on. When it rains it pours right? Hang in there. I hope things slow down soon.

  11. Oh, Stef, I'm so sorry. It's awful when there's tension between your parents - and you can't help but be affected, and then your kids are. I've been there, and it's awful.

    Things will work out - like you said...maybe slower than you wish...but everything will be okay. Love you.

  12. Hugs. Migraines are awful. Please get those migraines under control. And lovely little Lexie--I truly hope she is well. The rest of it?
    Seriously, how much can you care?

    Do what you can; leave the rest to prayer.

  13. I get migraines too. they are awful! I get them alot when pregnant.

    when I first met dh's parents they were great and never seemed to argue or be moody. but in the last few years..especially last 2...I swear they have both had so many "hormonal" changes or new medicine changes or just getting old I don't know but they are so moody anymore you have to watch everything you say and everything upsets them. I really don't think its them per se but the changes that are happening to them as they age that are making them so upset and arguementative. I don't know if that could be the same in your case or not but its a thought.

  14. I'm sorry for the crazy Friday, hopefully things are better. Your furniture looks awesome!

  15. I'm so sorry you have had some bad days lately, especially this last one! This is one of those days where I wish I knew you in real life and could come pick you up for some coffee and a chat.

  16. WOw! Totally not sure what to comment on, because of all that is going one. WHile there are certainly tough things in your life, it appears you are able to continue to concentrate on the "bright spots" as well. That is a good thing when things are tough. HUgs!!!

  17. Oh my goodness... that is an awful lot to deal with at once.

    Though I must say that Dylan's instinct to pray was completely heartmelting. So grateful for that gift of his sensitive spirit to lift you through that difficult time!

    And did I miss something? What's happening with your horse?

  18. Soory to hear that you've been going through a lot ... I'll bve saying some prayers for you :)

  19. Wow, I'm so sorry about all the difficult things you're dealing with right now. I'll be thinking about you! I was having similar migraines a few months ago and finally determined it was my birth control, so I switched and have been feeling much better!

  20. I hope everything calms down for you over there so you can breathe a bit more!
    party video


I love hearing from you! Let's chat!!!