Our Five Ring Circus: Ten Years

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Ten Years

Today marks ten years since my Grandma passed away. Ten years. I think of her every single day. I still miss her more than words can say.

Just writing this leaves me with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

She's been gone for a third of my life!

My Grandma was the center of my universe for 20 years. I saw her every day, and the novelty of having her as my neighbor never wore off. I loved to visit with her, talk to her, or just sit quietly by her side, watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. She was my rock, and I admired her so much. She was truly the nicest person I've ever met. I don't have a single bad memory of the time I spent with her. She was really that good of a person.

So much time has passed since I kissed her goodbye, and watched as she took her last breath.

There are days where all I want to do is see her, hug her, talk to her, and run to her with my problems.

There are days when I struggle to remember what she even looked like, and I have to look at a picture to remind myself.

There are days when I feel a sense of calm and love surround me, when I feel completely at peace, and I immediately think of her.

Every so often, just as I'm drifting off to sleep, the memories come flooding back. For just a moment, I can vividly see her, smell the scent of her skin, feel her hand in mine. Those moments are bittersweet. On one hand, I am so happy that I remember. On the other hand, it leaves me wanting more.

There is so much I wish she had been a part of over the past ten years. There is so much I wish I would have asked her before she passed away. I wish I could have had more time with her. I wish my kids could have known her, and experienced her love. They would have loved her. She would have adored them.

I am blessed to have known her.

I did miss her a lot today. February 18th, 2000, was one of the worst, most difficult days of my life.

But life goes on...

Dylan has her amazing spirit. There is just something about him that is so special, so beyond his years. On a daily basis, something he does reminds me of her.


When Lexie smiles so big, that her eyes sparkle, I see my Grandma.


She has been gone for ten years, but is still a very big part of my life.

I will sleep peacefully tonight, knowing that she will always be with us, and will always watch over us.


I will sleep peacefully, remembering the most amazing woman I've ever met.


  1. Aww, I'm so sorry your grandma is gone. I, unfortunately, never had much of a relationship with my grandparents. I'm making sure that's not the case with my boys.


  2. Ok, now I am crying! I could have written tat exact post about my mom. I will share in your grief as I feel the same hurt of loss for someone I loved so dear.

  3. What a great way to remember your grandma. I have very similar memories of my great grandmother. She loved gameshows, and every time I went to visit her we watched The Price is Right and Wheel of Fortune:)

  4. That was such a beautiful blog Stef. Your grandma would be proud of the woman and mother you've become. God Bless <3

  5. This post brought tears to my eyes. My grandmothers birthday was yesterday. She would have been 76. She passed away in 1996 when I was only 14, but I remember well the things that she taught me.

  6. such a sweet post :)

    my dad died when I was three and I don't have any REAL memories of him...I wish that I could have had more time with him...to make memories :(

    sending hugs your way

  7. Oh my... (writing this with tears in my eyes)... what a beautiful tribute to your grandma. And what an amazing reminder of the legacy we leave long after we are gone.


  8. I am sorry for your loss but I am so glad that your children can remind you her in such a great way! It is just amazing!

  9. It hurts to lose someone you love so much. God bless those children and you, for carrying that love in your heart.

  10. That is so sad and so touching too read. You were very blessed to have a grandma like that!!


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