Friday, March 27, 2009

You gotta roll with the punches

The "C" word. And I don't mean that four letter word that I'd scream at my kids for saying. I mean the "C" word that you never want to hear. Cancer.

Cancer.

Today I got word that my dad's tumor was indeed cancerous and he will need further treatment. Everything that I hoped wouldn't happen.

I was fine up until this point. 2009 has been a rough year. My mom lost her job of 25 years. Fine. She'll deal with it. My sister's biological father died. Fine. We made it through that. Lexie had diarrhea for 1 month. 2 months. 3 months. Everyday. Fine. She's happy and we'll get it figured out. My father in law has Parkinson's Disease. Fine. It's in the beginning stages. My sister's husband lost his job. Fine. He's educated and will find something else. My horse isn't doing well. Fine. Well, not really fine, but I'll get through it.

I was FINE. I'm always optimistic and strong. I go with the flow. I keep my cool. I roll with the punches.

I'm not rolling with the punches anymore. Those damn punches are knocking me down.

My best friend's mom is dying and probably only has days to live. That is NOT fine. My dad's tumor removal was successful and that was supposed to be it. Chemo or radiation were not in the picture!

Those last two punches were the final straw today. I was rapidly losing my patience with my kids this evening. They were just being kids. But I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and it was crushing me to the ground. After I finally got them to bed, I had a melt down. I cried. And cried. And cried some more. I'm still crying.

But I have to be strong. I have to be there for my best friend when her worst dream comes true. I am the one who will be taking my dad to his treatments, since my mom doesn't drive and I'm the child that doesn't work. I have to be strong for my parents. I have to find a way to tell my son, who loves his papa so much, that his Papa is indeed sick and will not be the same for a while. I have to be strong for my kids. I have to help get Lexie through this bout of diarrhea so she can lead a normal, healthy life. I have to be strong.

The next few months are going to be rough. I'm going to be the one taking care of a sick parent, in between Pre-K drop offs and pick ups, and most likely, puking spells from the horrible morning sickness that likes to accompany my pregnancies. Are we going to put our plans to try to conceive on hold? Probably not. Will it happen quickly? Probably so. But I have to take each day in stride.

Today I did not roll with the punches. I allowed them to defeat me, but I think it needed to happen. I needed to cry. I needed to let out all this pent up emotion that I carry inside of me. A person can only take so much and I've taken more than my fair share these past 3 months.

I will be praying. I will be hoping for some bit of good news in the near future. This family needs some good news for a change.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will roll with the punches.

5 comments:

  1. It sucks. As MckMama said today, she's "pissed". You have a right to be as well.

    But I truly do love your positive take on rolling with the punches. You will make it through. And every cloud does have a silver lining, right? Hang in there, and I will be thinking of you and your family and friends.

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  2. Praying for you, your family, and especially your dad. There are shoulders much bigger than yours to carry this burden for you. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11.28
    Becky xxx

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  3. I am praying for your dad. I am so sorry you of all people have to deal with all of this. Love.

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  4. this is so sad i am crying too. all i can say is it sucks and i know how you feel since i have had so much like all that crap lately too. hang in there.

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  5. Oh, shoot. Darn, darn, shoot, shoot. I was really praying that it wasn't cancerous. I'm so sorry...you have so much on your plate. But God promises us that He will help us through the tough times. If it all becomes too much, you just turn it over to Him. I will continue my prayers for you and your family.

    Hugs.

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