How Did It Happen?

When people find out about Liam having Down Syndrome, they always have questions.  "How did it happen?"  "How did they miss it?" 

When he was conceived, I was healthy.  I was 32.  I didn't drink or smoke or do drugs.  Ever.  I exercised 4-5 days a week.  I ate well.  I was thin and fit.  I was taking a prenatal vitamin.  I had three healthy pregnancies and three healthy children.  I had absolutely no risk factors. 

Liam was created that way the moment he was conceived. During fertilization, there was an unequal division of cells. It occurred by chance.

Chance.

Grant and I made the decision in all of our pregnancies to skip the first trimester blood test that tests for Down Syndrome. We made that decision because we knew we would not end the pregnancy if our baby had Down Syndrome.

At our big ultrasound, the ultrasound tech noticed that the baby had an echogenic cardiac focus.  Basically, it is a calcification in the heart that is present in up to 5% of normal pregnancies.  This can be a soft marker for Down Syndrome, but there are usually other markers and risk factors involved. Lily had an echogenic cardiac focus as well.

I didn't have any risk factors and Liam didn't have any other markers.  The measurements of his arm and thigh bones, the gap between his big toe and the second toe, and the nuchal fold were completely normal. The ultrasound tech and the doctor that reviewed the ultrasound double checked everything. They said that our baby looked "textbook perfect."

We were told that his chance of having Down Syndrome was 1 in 591 (That number stands out but it could be another number in that range).  They told us that they were not even worried about it, but if we wanted the amnio done to relieve our worries, we could do so.  Grant was worried, but the chance of having a miscarriage due to the amnio was much higher than the chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome.

We chose not to have further testing done. We would not have ended our pregnancy, especially after falling in love with the baby we saw on the ultrasound, so we didn't want to risk anything.

Looking back, I'm not sure if I would have wanted to know.  I would have spent the entire pregnancy worrying about everything that could go wrong and feeling depressed.  Instead, we were handed our child and a surprise diagnosis at the same time.  Once the shock went away-and it went away quickly-we were able to accept and love him fully.

It bothers me when people say that they're sorry after they hear that Liam has Down Syndrome.  Why would you be sorry?  He's our son.  He's a joy, a blessing, and a gift from God.  He is every bit as miraculous and amazing as his older siblings.

He may look a bit different, but he is healthy and happy and brings us joy.  Isn't that what every parent wants?

My 6 year old said it best.  After the Dash for Down Syndrome, I asked the kids if they had noticed all the people there with Down Syndrome.  Lexie responded, "No.  All I saw was people."

Chance.

Our chances were ridiculously low, but the truth is, everybody is a statistic.

Liam just happens to be ours.