This week alone is proof that quite a few of my "I Will Nevers" are now a thing of the past:
"Toys will never take over my house!"
TRUTH: Your living room will one day contain some strange things. Perhaps even a giant inflatable Gigaball. And you will leave it inflated for days, often tripping over it and cursing, simply because your kids LOVE it. (And because you never want to take the time to inflate it again.)
"Who needs that much toilet paper?"
TRUTH: You need that much toilet paper. (And paper towels. And kleenex. And baby wipes.)
"I will never share food with my kids."
TRUTH: You will eat damp cheeseballs that taste like perfume. And you will smile, because they will be so proud that they shared.
"I slept like a baby last night."
TRUTH: Nope. You didn't. Unless you slept through somebody changing your diaper.
"I will never be THAT tired."
TRUTH: You know what? You might get lucky. My kids sleep so well. They always have. But since I had kids, I can't seem to get a full night's sleep. Everybody sleeps but me. Or I stay up to get things done without distraction. Either way, some days I am so tired that just looking at this picture makes me yawn. Heck, just thinking about this picture makes me yawn.
"I will never be the mamarazzi."
TRUTH: Of course you will. This is so 2016. When you're not stalking your kids with your ridiculously expensive camera, you'll be stalking them with your cell phone. Because you never want to forget the wonder in their eyes as they watch the birds eat.
"I will never let them have messy faces."
TRUTH: You will. They just might fall asleep while eating ice cream and you never ever want to break the number one rule: DON'T WAKE A SLEEPING CHILD.
"I will never stop exercising regularly."
TRUTH: You probably will. But guess what? You will improvise. For example, shopping becomes an Olympic sport. You will find yourself pushing a heavy, over-sized cart, while trying to keep the 3 outdoor carpets that you HAD to buy because they were so cheap from crushing your toddler, and pulling your 9 year old behind you through the Costco Sunday craziness...all at the same time.
"I will never go overboard with birthdays."
TRUTH: You may try not to go overboard, but somehow, some way, you will go overboard. Like having 2 separate parties 2 weekends in a row. But it's okay, because birthdays are a big deal when they're young!
"My kid will never dye their hair a crazy color."
TRUTH: There are far worse things your child could do than dye their hair. Sometimes you just have to say yes (to temporary color, of course). And it truly doesn't matter, because seriously? Look how he's holding his cousin!!!
"I will never have one of those accident prone kids."
TRUTH: Get used to it. Accidents happen. They will even happen 30 minutes before you're supposed to host a birthday party. Hello, bleeding head wound!
"Toddlers with shopping carts? SO cute!"
TRUTH: Toddlers with shopping carts? WATCH OUT! (My poor ankles.)
"Those tween years are SO far away."
TRUTH: They are much closer than you think. Don't blink.
"No playdoh! No slime! No paint!"
TRUTH: A water table filled with bird seed? AWESOME!!! Especially if it keeps them busy for more than 10 minutes!
"My kids will never be bored."
TRUTH: Two words: CABIN FEVER. You will literally race to the park when the weather warms up!
"I will never let having kids change me."
TRUTH: You will change. And you will feel like the luckiest person in the world.
What are some of the parenting lessons that you learned?
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