"The days are long but the years are short." It seems like most moms are saying those words these days. But I disagree. The days are short and the years are even shorter.
Perhaps it's just one of those things that you don't realize until you're surrounded by kids. After trying desperately to meet the needs of 4+ kids all day there simply isn't any time to ponder over the fact that the day felt too long. The truth is, there's not ENOUGH time in one day! I can't even remember what it was like to have just one or two kids, let alone remember life before kids, but I imagine there was more time. At this point in my life, I'm seriously considering just giving up on sleep entirely.
I was rushing around the house tonight, just trying to get the nightly chores done so I could go to bed before 4 AM. As I passed by Lexie and Lily's window, the full moon caught my eye and I was immediately drawn to it. I had what felt like a million things on my to do list, but in that moment, I was still. The beauty of it took my breath away and I realized that I'm never still long enough to enjoy the simplest things in life. My days pass by in a blur of activity and chaos and I'm always looking ahead to the next task. As I stared up at the moon tonight, the realization of how quickly time passes by hit me like a ton of bricks.
This is the part where I'm supposed to exclaim "Where did time go?!?" But I know exactly where time went. It slipped away during all those hours I spent changing diapers, feeding kids, constantly worrying, cleaning up the endless mess, negotiating to end conflicts, continuously washing loads of laundry, and herding children to and fro. That's motherhood in a nutshell. It's just sprinkled with the most incredible moments of happiness that will take your breath away, bring tears to your eyes and make you feel like the luckiest woman alive.
I'm feeling all the feels right now. I don't want Summer to end. I don't want the school year to start. And I certainly don't want my babies to grow up so darn quickly. I know it's entirely selfish of me to feel that way because the point of having kids is to raise them and watch them grow. But time is speeding up and I'm losing control.
Every mother reaches a point in their journey where they stop and think "What the heck is going on?" I thought that moment for me was when the doctor sat down in the delivery room and delivered a life-changing diagnosis. To hear those incredibly terrifying words come out of his mouth made my heart plummet and made tumultuous thoughts fill my head. I was so angry in that moment and the only thing I could think was "I don't want THIS life." But it's the life I was given and it's the life I would choose over and over again.
That moment wasn't my what-the-heck moment, though. I'm currently experiencing my what-the-heck moment. In the span of 4 weeks, my baby girl will turn 5, my BABY will turn 3, my oldest child will head into his last year of elementary school, my 5 year old will start Kindergarten and be away from me every day, and my sweet baby boy will start preschool which is a decision that I'm still struggling with. And I'm left standing here, thinking, "What. The. He$&?"
This motherhood gig is a tough one. It can be so frustrating and so incredibly rewarding at the same time. Thankfully the good outweighs the bad by far. There are so many moments when my family is together and I can't help but smile from all the joy and love that fills my soul and my heart literally feels like it will burst. I can't help but think that I will never be happier than I am at this very moment. I want to hold on to those moments as tight as I possibly can and never let go.
The next time I gaze up at that full moon, it will be hovering over the ocean. It will be Summer's last hurrah before the return to reality and the return of another school year. It will be the last moment of normalcy before life takes a drastic turn. I'm usually a glass half full kind of girl, but not right now. Not in this stage of my life.
Hold on tight, mamas. The days may feel long right now but it's only an incredibly short time frame in the story of your life. Enjoy the moment, live in the now and embrace every single beautiful and frustrating moment, because these are the moments that we will remember. These are the moments we will be wishing back in the not too distant future.
I definitely don't like this new reality and I don't like the feeling of time slipping rapidly through my fingers, but I will adjust. That's what mothers do. The truth is, motherhood is just a series of experiences that fall between full moons. Those full moons are just an indication of the passing of time, but what really matters is all the moments that fill up the days between.
Yes, the days pass by so quickly and the years pass by quicker than we could ever imagine, but the goal is to make each moment count! I want to be still. I want to enjoy the simple moments in life. I want to hold my four kids in my arms, close my eyes and pretend that they're still my tiny babies instead of these big kids who are racing toward adulthood. I want to savor the now. Those years that passed by so rapidly were the best years of my life but the now is absolutely incredible. No matter how quickly life passes by, my four blessings will ALWAYS be my babies and I will always be eternally grateful for the gift of motherhood.