Not My Child Monday

Welcome to another edition of Not My Child Monday! Check out MckMama's blog to read other Not My Child Monday posts, or to join in!

School starts in just a little over 2 weeks for Dylan. Our new back to school schedule is going GREAT! For instance, the kids were not up until after 10 on Saturday night. Because they were up so late, and spent the entire day outdoors, they did not sleep in until after 11 AM on Sunday. I had great intentions when I put them to bed at 8 last night. Lexie fell asleep right away, but Dylan was not up until after 11, coming up with every excuse in the book as to why he couldn't sleep. Just after he fell asleep, Lexie did not wake up, because she heard me dumping out a bowl of M&M's and start yelling, "I want Em Em Em's!" When that failed to work, she did not shout out, "Mommy, I'm done!" Over and over and over again.

We have a rule about not climbing or wrestling on our couch. So it wasn't Dylan who climbed on the couch, fell, and took down the floor lamp with him.

My mom did not say, "Stop kicking my a&&!" while playing a game of cards with me. Miss Repeat did not turn to me, and say, "Mama, stop kicking Nina's a&&!"

Dylan did not hit his head 4 times yesterday. He is not completely accident prone.

Lexie did not scream in the middle of Target, "I hafta pee!" We did not race through the store to make it to the bathroom in time. Once she did her business, she did not exclaim, "Yay! I peed! I peed!" causing the entire restroom to erupt in laughter.

Speaking of potty training, she did not insist she had to pee while we were driving. We did not pull over, sit her on the potty, only to have her laugh, and say, "I don't hafta pee. "

I did not catch Dylan riding a turtle statue in my aunt's garden. Said turtle was not worth several hundred dollars.

The kids have not been fighting nonstop for the past two days. They have not thrown punches or kicks at each other.

Lexie is NOT potty trained. She has not been accident free for days!

Not "My Child" Monday

Over at MckMama's blog, we're taking a break from Not Me Monday, and focusing on our children this week. I know I give at least one example of something my kids didn't do every week, but this post is all about them. And let's just say, I really had to narrow down the list...

Dylan did not lean back and let go of the swing, high up in the air, resulting in a backflip in the air, and a 4 foot drop into our stone fountain. Mommy was not screaming, and thinking that it would be yet another ER visit.

The kids did not sneak a cardboard toilet paper tube out of the bathroom garbage can, then proceed in sinking it in the tub. Our tub was not filled with tiny flecks of cardboard.

Lexie did not come into my parent's kitchen, naked, wet, and smelling quite strong. She was not covered, head-to-toe, with Febreeze. She did not still smell like febreeze, 24 hours, and 3 baths later!

The child who was screaming while being weighed and measured at her doctor's appointment? Not mine. The one who sat completely still for her finger prick? Definitely not mine.

Lexie did not refuse to join the other kids on the gym bus. Once she finally climbed aboard, she did not have a blast. That is, until the gym instructor had the audacity to actually touch her. Fun over.

It wasn't my son who threw the rock that hit a fellow playmate.

When given the opportunity to get the PJ Sparkles doll that she wanted, because it was on sale, Lexie did not insist on a tiny baby doll in a purse, instead.

Lexie did not fall asleep on the floor, at a birthday party, while I was changing her diaper.

Lexie is not a drama queen. She did not get so mad at me while I was trying to brush her teeth, that she sucked in a huge breath, pre-scream, until her lips turned purple, and then let it out. Loudly.

Dylan did not carry an orange tote bag around yesterday, draped over his shoulder. It totally did not look like a purse.

The kids that are chasing each other through the house, screaming? Must belong to somebody else.