The Loss of a Beloved Pet: How We Help Our Kids Cope

As a parent, there are so many tough situations that you're going to have to face. One of those situations, unfortunately, will be the loss of a pet.

We've gone through it quite a few times on our parenthood journey and it doesn't ever get any easier. It's difficult enough to deal with the loss on your end, but when you add a child's sadness to the mix, it breaks your heart even more.

Lexie is my nurturer. She is mature beyond her 9 years and is such a loving, compassionate child. When Lexie was 4, she got her very first pet that was hers and hers only. She loved her hamster, Toby, with all her might. She took care of him completely on her own without ever missing a day. And when he passed away, she was heartbroken. 

We didn't run out to replace her beloved pet. We waited for her to tell us if she wanted another pet. On her 8th birthday, she decided she wanted another hamster. We rushed to the pet store before it closed and she picked out a huge, adult hamster that promptly took a chunk out of the employee's finger. We were told repeatedly that we could bring back the hamster if it didn't work out, but Lexie worked her magic and turned Coco into the most calm, gentle pet. We all loved that giant, furry hamster with the long tufts of grey hair around her ears!

Lexie added a few more pets to her menagerie. Some were chosen and some were by chance. She eventually chose a parakeet to keep her hamster company. As if that wasn't enough, early this Summer, a baby mouse that Dylan and Lexie found soaking wet and shaking in our yard, became part of our family. I thought it was going to die and told the kids to just let it go, but Lexie insisted that it was better that it died safely inside a warm home.  I couldn't argue against that. Well, that little baby survived, grew and is thriving. And even though it takes a lot of work, Lexie loves her pets and takes care of them every single day without being prompted.

I, being the worrier that I am, sneak in to check on her pets each night. There's no doubt that Lexie is extremely responsible, but you never know with kids! I always find them in clean cages with fresh food and water, and I often find her sitting in her room holding one of her little pets.

Recently, Lexie started to worry that her hamster was going to die. She would inform me that Coco wasn't eating or drinking as much as she usually did, but her activity level and excitement over treats was still good. Lexie owned her hamster for a year and a half and if you add on the estimated age of the hamster when we bought her, she was at the end of her lifespan. As Lexie held her beloved pet the other afternoon, I stopped what I was doing and quickly snapped a few pictures. I'm not sure why I felt inspired to do that, but I'm glad I did.

Tonight, in the midst of the late night rush, Lexie walked up to me and I could just tell by the look on her face that something was wrong. I immediately stopped what I was doing and my heart skipped a beat. Her chin quivered and her bewildered eyes welled up with tears. My heart shattered as she uttered the words,"I think Coco died."

She stood in the hall, sobbing, as I went into her room to check. No matter how much you prepare yourself for the inevitable, it doesn't help. My heart dropped as I spotted Lexie's beloved hamster in the cage and a quick touch confirmed the loss. Tears filled my own eyes as Lexie's sobs echoed through the hallway and the weight of the loss settled in my mind.  I was so sad to see her sweet little pet gone, but my heart broke thinking about how devastating this was for Lexie.

Lexie knew that Coco was old and she knew the end was getting close, but as a pet owner, you simply don't want to think about life without your pet. Lexie was most upset over the fact that she wasn't there with Coco when she passed away.

Every single plan for the evening got pushed aside and instead, I spent the night comforting my heartbroken daughter.  Even though I know this is devastating for her at the moment, I know she will love another pet again just as she loved Coco. I also know that no matter what, she will never forget all her little friends that filled her childhood with so much love and happiness.

This part of parenthood SUCKS.

It's so difficult to see your child in pain, especially when you know you can't do anything to fix the problem.  The weight of their sadness simply fills your soul and shatters your own heart into a million pieces. When you love a person with every ounce of your being, you experience every emotion along with them. And the loss of a pet is one of the most difficult situations a parent has to deal with.

My husband's immediate reaction to the loss of a pet is to say "NO MORE!" He said it after we lost our dogs (and we're now dog-free) and he said it after we lost our cats (we're now cat-free). But we always remind him of the old saying: It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It's completely true. I grew up with dozens of pets and Grant and I owned quite a few together. Although the pets who lived the longest were the toughest losses, I remember each and every one vividly. I don't ever regret owning any of our pets and I know loving them helped shape me into the person who I am today. They were part of my life story just as Toby and Coco are part of hers.

Helping Lexie deal with the loss of her beloved hamster isn't going to be easy, because I can't fix it. I can't bring her hamster back. I can't make her sadness disappear. I can't really make it better. But I can love her, listen to her and support her. Sometimes it's all you can do and sometimes it's enough. Time truly does heal and one day, another pet will help fill the void.  It won't be a replacement. It won't be the same. But she will love.

 Here's how we can help our kids deal with the loss of a pet:

• Talk about everything your child did to make their pet feel safe, loved and happy.

• Make a mini-album full of pictures of your child's pet.

• Have your child write a journal entry about their pet, including details about their favorite things about their pet. What funny things did they do? What was their favorite thing to do with their pet? Did their pet have any unusual quirks? What did they love most about their pet? What did they notice most about their pet's appearance? Did their pet have super soft ears or a ticklish spot? These are all key details that they will never want to forget.

• Clip a piece of hair from the pet to put with the photo album or journal entry and/or keep something special that belonged to the pet, like a collar or a toy. Sometimes it helps to have something physical to remind them that their pet really did exist.

• Make a memory stone using a large smooth stone and permanent markers and put it in a special place in the yard or the home. 

• Frame a small picture of your pet to keep in your child's room.

• Just love and listen to your child. It's the best thing you can do.

Have you ever had to help your child cope with the loss of a pet? What tips do you have for dealing with the loss?

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Bailey Blue

"Once upon a time there was a dog who was loved very much.

As that dog grew and grew, her family grew and grew. They spent countless hours racing around the backyard together. One million kisses and cuddles later, an entire decade had passed. 

They knew it was time to say goodbye, but it felt impossible to do.

This sweet dog spent her last 24 hours cuddling with her family, posing for pictures, saying goodbye to friends, and eating lots of treats.

She was THE best dog from the very start to the very end."

Yesterday, Grant and I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put Bailey to sleep. My mind told me it was time, but my heart felt otherwise.  Even so, the appointment was made for this afternoon.  We were left with 24 more hours to spend with our sweet dog before we had to say our final goodbye.

Bailey came into our lives in 2005, shortly after Dylan was born.  We were still grieving from the sudden loss of our previous Great Dane, Morgana.  Months had passed since her death, and we were enjoying our new journey into parenthood, but something was missing.  That something was a blue Great Dane named Morgana's "Bailey" Blue.  

Dylan and Bailey became instant best friends.  They were both babies, and they grew up together. Bailey was the most loving and patient dog.  She loved kids and was ALWAYS gentle with them.  Great Danes are often called Gentle Giants, and she was definitely that. 

Over the next 10 years, three more kids joined our family. She loved each of them, and they adored her. She loved to go outside, run laps through our yard, chase the kids, and lay in the sun.  We made some incredible memories during that decade that flew by in the blink of an eye. 

Bailey began to slow down and lose weight in the Fall. Cancer was most likely the culprit.  She was nearing the very end of her lifespan, so we decided to let her live the remainder of her life in her home, surrounded by the people who loved her.

On Monday, it became evident that her time was near. The decision to end her life was the most difficult decision Grant and I have had to make.  Even though I know we did the right thing, the guilt is consuming me.

During her final 24 hours with us, we spoiled her and showered her with love.  We made sure she knew just how much we loved her.  We fed her tons of treats, and took some pictures.  I am so grateful we had that time with her.

We cried.  We cried a lot.  

Today was tough. 

She had a normal day, and we tried extra hard to make it special for her. She stood by Liam's highchair as he ate, and I allowed her to sneak his food off his tray. She excitedly ran to the door when the doorbell rang. Friends came to visit and kiss her goodbye, and she ran out to greet them. We fed her pieces of lunch meat, stuffed chicken breasts, and an entire package of hot dogs. We snipped off a few patches of fur for a memory book. We rubbed her incredibly soft ears. We sat with her and hugged her as much as we could.  It was a normal, special day, but incredibly sad.

 

Dread began to build up inside of me as the clock ticked closer to 2:00.

I took her outside for the last time, and watched as she stared up at the sky.  Snowflakes landed on her soft, silver fur, and she turned to stare at me.  I swear, she knew. 

We attempted a final group picture of Bailey and the kids she loved most.

My mom came over to watch Lexie, Lily, and Liam.  Dylan rode in the back with Bailey, and my dad came along for moral support. When we arrived at the vet, after a scary, snowy drive, all I wanted to do was run back home with my dog, but I knew that was selfish of me.

Before they took her back, Bailey turned and stared out the window one last time.  At that point, I was positive she knew.  They had to drag her away from us, which just made the pain so much worse. 

They quickly called us into the room to say goodbye. Dylan began to cry, said his last goodbye, then returned to the waiting room to sit with my dad. Then it was time. I wanted to tell the vet to stop.  So many times.

It truly is heart-wrenching. The pain of watching your beloved pet leave the world is something that stays with you forever. I wrapped my arms around her neck, put my forehead against hers and just kept telling her it was okay and that I loved her so much.

Around 2:50 PM, she passed away in the comfort of my arms. 

Everybody left the room, and my tears turned to sobs.  I held her as tight as I could, and rubbed her ears, face, back, sides, and feet, trying to remember every detail of our beloved dog. 

I wept over the dog who was a huge part of our lives for so long.  She lived in our home almost as long as we owned it.  She became a part of our lives shortly after we became parents.  She welcomed three more children into our home and loved them just as much as she loved her Dylan. Our entire parenthood journey included Bailey. I wept because a decade went by faster than I ever imagined it could, and that decade told the story of her entire life.

Letting her go was nearly impossible, but I finally said my last goodbye, said a prayer, and left the room.

It hurts so much.  I know it's nothing compared to the loss our friends experienced this week, but it still hurts. The house feels empty without her.  This is the first time, since I was born, that my home has been pet-free. Several times tonight, I called for her, completely forgetting she was gone, and the tears began to fall again when she didn't come. Every time I close my eyes, I see her sweet face and her huge, puppy dog eyes.  

I always thought she looked like an uncoordinated, long-legged, gray deer.  I can picture her as a puppy, picture her in her prime, and picture her as she looked today.  Every time I picture her, she's outside, where she loved to be.  I can't believe we won't ever see her in our backyard again, or play with her, hug her, or pet her. I can't believe she will never again excitedly run out to greet us when we get home. Unfortunately, saying goodbye is the most difficult aspect of owning a pet.  They really do become part of the family.

I know time heals and the pain will ease.  I've had to say goodbye to two other beloved dogs.  But the pain will never completely go away.  There will be times when it hits so hard that it takes my breath away.

I'm heartbroken.  We're all heartbroken.  She was so loved, and will be forever missed. Even though she's gone, she will always be with us.  She will always be a part of our story.

  

Rest in peace, Bailey.  We love you forever. 

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... 
Author unknown...

The End of an Era

When Grant and I got engaged, we were both 19, and decided we wanted to be at least 30 before we had kids.  Well, we all know how that worked out, but it was our plan!  Instead, we acquired a few pets and spent our time caring for them.

One of those pets was a tiny kitten, found inside a cave.  Grant found a litter of kittens while hiking one day. He checked back all day and the mom was nowhere to be found.  He came home, told me, and we immediately went back to get them. It was difficult, and we were only able to rescue two of the kittens. We chose one of the kittens to keep and a friend adopted the other one.



Baby Phat became part of our family.  She lived in three different houses with us, and greeted four new family members.  She lived a long, happy life with us.



Baby Phat was the last of the pets we adopted during our childless years.  All of the other pets passed away years ago.  About a month ago, we noticed a tumor on her belly.  It rapidly turned into several tumors over her body.  Cancer.  There wasn't anything we could do.

We knew we would have to say goodbye soon.  As I watched her decline, all the memories kept popping into my head.

We had to feed her and her brother with a bottle because they were just about a week old.  The kittens slept curled around Grant's neck.  One night, just a few days after we found them, Grant woke up and freaked out because he smelled poop.  I turned on the lights, and Grant was horrified to discover the kittens had diarrhea all over his neck and chest.   It was repulsive, and turned into middle of the night showers, baths, and laundry. I'm actually laughing as I type this, because it was horrifyingly hilarious, and we still tease him about it!

She preferred to stay in the basement when we moved to our new house. Her favorite spot was the rafters in the laundry room. She would sleep up there, and would peek down at people as they walked below her.  She would even leap out of the rafters and land at our feet.  She scared so many people that way!



When she finally ventured to the main living area, she decided she loved to sleep next to our babies. She was usually found sleeping in their cribs or bassinets with them. Liam was her newest cuddly friend.  They slept together in his bassinet almost every night. Once she got sick, she chose to sleep at the foot of Lexie's bed and that's where she stayed until a few days ago.




She loved to race through the house at top speed, chasing nothing, and she was terrified of her tail.  As soon as she would see it move, she would jump and run away from it.

She hid in our bedroom, and only came out after the kids went to bed. People didn't even know we had a cat! She had the same routine every night.  As soon as they were silent, she would come out, jump up on the arm of the couch next to where I usually sat, and sit next to me until we went to bed. 

Yesterday, we said goodbye to our sweet cat.

As our entire family gathered to bury her in the backyard, Grant and I struggled to keep our emotions in check.  It truly was the end of that part of our lives, and it really hit us just how quickly 14 years flew by.

I'm happy she is at peace, and I'm happy we were able to provide her with a good home, but saying goodbye was so difficult.

In Remembrance

At 6:13 this morning, my father-in-law passed away, with his wife and his sons at his side.  The world lost a wonderful man today.  He will be remembered fondly and forever missed. 



Husband.



Father.



Grandfather.


 






Son and Brother.



Father-in-law.



Friend.

 

Mayor.



Officiant.



Teaser and Instigator.






Uncle, Son-in-law, Brother-in-law, Cousin.

Loved by many and greatly missed.




Rest in peace, Mayor Dick.  You'll be in our hearts forever.

In Remembrance

Life can change in the blink of an eye. That thought keeps going through my head over and over.

One of Grant's best friends, Jason, passed away unexpectedly today.

Jason was a wonderful guy. He was like a brother to Grant and my brother-in-law, Eric. They grew up together. He adored his nieces and adored Dylan, Lexie, and Lily. Lexie had a "crush" on him. He had such a bright future ahead of him, but left this world much too soon.

He was family.

He was just here on Thursday. He spent the day helping Grant get some projects done around our house. He re-built a rock wall along our driveway, and was so excited to show me the new light fixture he hung up on our front porch for us. He hid in the dumpster we had delivered, and jumped out at me, doubling over in laughter when I screamed. He was thrilled with his new camera, and snapped pictures of Lexie and Lily, and took a picture of Dylan climbing off the bus. He had dinner with us, and gave Dylan a pep talk about ignoring anybody who may make fun of him about being so skinny. He thanked me repeatedly for a delicious dinner, and gave my kids hugs before they went to bed. That night, he posted on facebook about how he had had a great day with his brothers.

Today, we're reeling with shock over this sudden loss. He will be missed so much.

I pray that he is at peace.

Dylan's Loss

Dylan has now experienced the loss of 3 pets. Surprisingly, it's his fish, that died yesterday, that hurt him the most.

Dylan got Dorothy when he was just a year old. Dorothy was a blue, MALE Betta. "She" has been Dylan's roommate for 3 years.

Recently, Dylan asked if Dorothy was a boy or a girl. When I told him, "she" was a boy, he asked why he had a girl's name. I explained that he was a baby at the time, and named him after Elmo's goldfish. He briefly contemplated changing his name, but said he wanted to keep calling him Dorothy.

Dorothy had Dylan's back. Every night that I walked into his room to check on him, after he was asleep, I would turn around and find Dorothy staring at me through the aquarium glass, with "her" fins all puffed out around "her" face. There's no doubt in my mind that "she" would attack me if given the chance.

I knew Dorothy was nearing the end. "She" hasn't looked healthy for the past month, and was quite old for a fish.

I found Dorothy yesterday morning. I told Grant about it, and we decided that we would tell Dylan the truth, just as we did with the other pets. When we first told him, Dylan's face paled, and he looked shocked. We told him that Dorothy lived a very long life, and loved him, because he took such great care of her. We promised that he could pick out another fish to put in his aquarium. His response, was a simple, "But I love Dorothy."

Dylan didn't seem too bothered by the news after that. He immediately ran to see if I was telling the truth, then helped us remove Dorothy from the aquarium.

I thoroughly cleaned the aquarium, and put Super Snail back in, and got it ready for a new fish.

Tonight, Grant walked past Dylan's door, thinking he was sleeping, and saw Dylan staring at the empty fish tank. He told Grant that he was so sad about Dorothy. A few minutes later, I walked by, and heard him crying.

I immediately went in, and held him in my arms. He told me that he missed Dorothy, and was so sad that his fish was gone. He really loved her. My heart broke in a million pieces, and I found myself crying along with him, wishing that I could bring "her" back. The pain he was feeling spilled out with each word, and I felt his pain as he ended each sentence with a little sob or sniffle. This display of raw emotion was unlike anything I've ever seen from Dylan.

To some, it's just a fish. But this was Dylan's roommate for 3 years. Dylan's constant companion. Dorothy has been swimming in the aquarium in Dylan's room for as long as he can remember.

This is the first time I've ever seen Dylan sad, and I hate that I can't really do anything to make the situation easier for him. I just want to take his pain away, but I know this is something that he has to get through. I hope he is able to find another fish to love, one that he will be able to watch swim around, as he falls asleep. Just as he did, every night, for the past 3 years, with Dorothy.