Thursday, January 21, 2010

Guilt Trip

This morning was BAD.

I had to be at Dylan's parent-teacher conference at 11:45. His school is 3 miles from our house, so I can get there quickly. My dad was coming over to watch the kids while I went to the conference. Well...things never go according to plan. That's one of the first lessons mothers will learn.

I looked at the clock, and realized it was 11:30, so I threw on my coat and opened our garage door for my Dad to come in. As I was walking back into our living room, I saw Lexie stick her hand into the compartment of her new Easy Bake oven. Of course, it got stuck, she freaked out and yanked her hand out, cutting her finger in the process.

I ran her to the bathroom, rinsed her finger, and held a towel on it to try to stop the bleeding. I glanced up at the clock, and saw that it was 11:35. CRAP! The conference was in 10 minutes! Hmmm...my dad wasn't there yet.

I grabbed my phone, called my parent house, and GUESS who answered the phone? Yep. My dad. He lives 10 minutes away. At that point, I realized that I was not going to make it to this conference.

As I held my still screaming, bleeding daughter in my arms, with the phone raised to my ear, and my mouth hanging open, something broke inside of me. I. Lost. It.

For the first time ever, I flipped out on my dad. I'm almost 30 years old, and I've NEVER done that to him.

I couldn't control it. I just began shrieking and swearing for a few seconds, and hung up on him. My voice raised so many octaves that I didn't even recognize it. My dad has never let me down before, and at that moment, I was feeling very let down.

I took a deep breath, and called the school to tell them I had to reschedule. The school director was very sympathetic. Maybe it was the break in my voice. Maybe it was my daughter's shrieking. Maybe it was the dogs barking in the background. She told me it was perfectly fine, and rescheduled the meeting for 12:30.

It worked out, but I admit, I was feeling very frustrated for most of the afternoon. But as the day went on, I began feeling guilty for flipping out on my dad.

It was an accident. He is 70, and can't be expected to remember every little detail. It was actually my mom's mistake. I spoke with her last night and asked her to remind my dad about babysitting today. She wrote it on the calendar for Friday.

By the time evening came, I was appalled at my freak out. I felt terrible for talking to my dad like that.

So what's a guilty daughter to do?

Apologize.

I told him how sorry I was for freaking out on him, and that I was feeling really overwhelmed and let down at that moment. He told me there was no need to apologize, because it was their fault, but I needed to clear my conscience.

I'm glad I apologized, but I'm still feeling horrible for what I did. I'm the calm, sweet, polite, respectful, forgiving daughter. I love my parents so much, and always stand by them. What I did this morning was so out of character for me, and I have a feeling it's going to bother me for a while.

I'm going to learn from what happened:

1-Always have a back up plan.
2-Expect the unexpected.
3. Call an hour before you leave to make sure you still have a sitter!
4. Remember that nothing goes as planned when you have kids. They will hurt themselves and bleed all over you as you're getting ready to leave. They will most likely pee or spit up on you when you're running late, requiring you to change. They will need to use the bathroom after you strapped them into their car seats. They will forget things. You will forget things.

Yes. Lesson relearned.

P.S. I'm so sorry, Dad. I love you and am so grateful for everything you do for me.

P.P.S. Lexie is fine! She just has a nasty scrape on her finger that bled like crazy!

P.P. P. S. Dylan's evaluation was seriously perfect! (More on that later.) I am so proud of my boy!!!

11 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you had a rough morning (and yeah, that was ROUGH!).

    I have freaked out on my parents before too, and felt terrible afterward, and did the whole apology thing (in tears!).

    As bad as you feel, as a parent yourself, you know that you would easily forgive your own children for doing something like that...so don't feel too guilty!

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  2. Don't be TOO hard on yourself...we all loose it sometimes, especially if you are a mommie...
    I am sure that your Dad understands and forgives you...it's what parents do :)

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  3. I am sorry you had a tough day. I wish I could give you a hug!

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  4. Ick- hey parents have to reschedule for worse reasons than that- like they just don't care, or don't feel like coming in. Your a good mom and a wonderful daughter!

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  5. Sounds like a rough morning and I am sorry you lost it on your dad. I am sure he was understanding and I am sure he felt super bad. I am glad you where able to apoligize and hopefully you don't sit on it for too long.. One thing we know as mommy's is parents are usually pretty forgiving especially when it comes to there children :)!

    Cant wait to hear the update on his progress report!!

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  6. You poor thing. I have way too many of those "loosing it" moments since becoming a mom! There is all of a sudden so many things to think about!

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  7. Sorry it was a rough day for you! We all have our days - I hope you don't beat yourself up too much!

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  8. Don't be to hard on yourself, we all have rough days!

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  9. Oh, I remember days like that. I felt guilty a lot. I used to flip out on my kids and scare them half to death. I seriously thought I was going crazy.

    I prayed sooooo much about that. I still pray about it occasionally cuz I'm afraid it will sneak up on me again and I'll flip out again.

    I was tearing up as I read this. Those feelings of guilt krept back and I felt bad again, but our God is an awesome and forgiving God. Our families are too...thank God.

    have a fine weekend & glad that things worked out for you.
    Nannette

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  10. Time flies, doesn't it? I think the idea of a Strawberry Shortcake party is precious. :)

    Following your blog,

    Genny

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